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December 5, 2025

Asyari Usman : Denny JA Itu Ahli Bius Jokowi

Asyari Usman : Denny JA Itu Ahli Bius Jokowi
Asyari Usman
Posted by: 43 comments

Denny JA paham betul kapan harus menyuntik Jokowi dengan anastesi survainya. Gampangnya, ibarat kelengkapan personel medis di ruang bedah, DJA itu adalah “anaethetist”-nya. Ahli biusnya.

 

By Asyari Usman
(Penulis adalah waratwan senior)

 

Kawan-kawa menganjurkan agar hasil survai Denny JA (DJA) tentang elektabilitas Jokowi, diabaikan saja. Diketawai saja. Tak usah dianggap serius. Saya setuju seratus persen. Tidak usah dibicarakan, buang-buang waktu. Saya juga sepakat.

Namun, saya masih perlu menuliskan sesuatu tentang Denny JA. Untuk menjawab pertanyaan mengapa gerangan Denny JA terus saja menerbitkan survai-survai yang mengunggulkan Jokowi? Dan bahkan mengapa pula dia sampai ikut membuat meme-meme yang mengangkat Jokowi dan sebaliknya mengecilkan Prabowo?

Dalam rangka menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan inilah, saya menyimpulkannya seperti judul tulisan di atas. Bahwa DJA setiap hari menguras tenaga dan pikirannya untuk survai dan meme karena dialah harapan terakhir Jokowi. Hanya DJA yang bisa menghibur Jokowi dengan angka-angka elektabilitas yang membuat petahana terbuai. Angka-angka itu berfungsi sebagai “obat bius” bagi Jokowi.

Denny JA paham betul kapan harus menyuntik Jokowi dengan anastesi survainya. Gampangnya, ibarat kelengkapan personel medis di ruang bedah, DJA itu adalah “anaethetist”-nya. Ahli biusnya.

Dia mengerti betul tahapan dosis yang harus disuntikkan ke pasien yang sedang masuk IGD. Artinya, begitu Jokowi tersentak dan tampak kesakitan, langsung DJA sodorkan angka-angka anastetik yang kemudian membuat pasiennya kembali tenang.

Jadi, “obat bius” Denny JA itulah yang sekarang membuat Jokowi masih bisa tersenyum.

Nah, begitu bubar dari acara-acara kampanye yang ruangannya kosong, kembali Jokowi tersadar. Merasa nyeri. Kalau nyeri-nyeri kecil, DJA tidak menyuntikkan anastesi survainya. Cukup buat meme-meme saja. Sekadar menunjukkan kepada Jokowi bahwa Denny JA tetap berada di samping.

Ketika Reuni 212 selesai, Jokowi hampir pasti kesakitan lagi. Sangat nyeri. Tak tertahankan. DJA sudah bisa menduga itu. Dia ramu lagi obat bius yang berdosis istimewa. Dia buat survai yang hasilnya sangat menyenangkan Jokowi.

“Elektabilitas tetap tinggi, Pak. Jangan cemas,” kata Denny sambil membawakan selembar kertas glossy dengan grafik survai yang menenangkan dan menyenangkan Jokowi.

Kalau Pak Joko agak ragu, dia panggil para perawat yang menjaganya. Bila ada pertanyaan Pak Joko apakah angka-angka itu benar, otomatis para perawat tak berani membantah. Sebab, mereka tahu Denny JA adalah ahli anastesi survai lulusan Negeri Paman Sam.

Di situ hebatnya DJA. Dia bisa meyakinkan pasiennya. Dia buat Jokowi tenang meskipun hanya dalam ilusi. Karena itu, DJA adalah harapan terkahir Jokowi. Dialah yang terus setia membuatkan “obat bius” penghibur untuk menciptakan ketenteraman jiwa Pak Joko.

Dan, syukurnya, Jokowi bagaikan terkena sugesti bila melihat kertas survai yang dicetak sedemikian bagus oleh DJA. Tak sia-sia si ahli survai anastetik ini belajar psikologi politik di negeri seberang.

Tapi, mengapa gerangan DJA begitu setia mendampingi Jokowi dan membuatkan survai-survai anastetik untuk si boss? Kalau ini saya tidak bisa jawab. Yang jelas, DJA sadar betul bahwa pasien dia yang satu ini bukan dari jalur BPJS. Jokowi itu pasien VVIP. Banyak duit.

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